Tag Archives: motherhood

A sort of best of 2011 list

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Happy 2012 with Sparklers & Instagram

Just moments after midnight

Happy 2012!  It’s that time to reflect on all the highs and lows of last year and make some hopefully-not-empty promises for this new one.  In that sort of spirit, I’ve compiled this list of some of my posts that were favorites, personally meaningful or popular from this site and the Huffington Post.

1. Things really kicked off for me in September after the WIE Symposium with interviewing people.  I spoke with Senator Nanci Pelosi, Nobel Peace Prize winner Leymah Gbowee and others.  But my first interview was with my dear friend, Tatiana Wills.  Her book Heroes and Villains came out last year.  H & V features portraits of street artists and others.  Here’s the link for Part 2 of the interview where Tatiana talks about her process as an artist and from there you can buy the book (so convenient!): The Voice of Inner Necessity: Part 2.

2.  Talking Abby Disney and getting to meet her just before Women, War & Peace aired on PBS was personal highlight for me.  I’ve written about this before, but there’s one comment Abby made that has really stayed with me.

“I’m probably one of the happier people you’ll meet because I’m happy that I’m not ducking and dodging the hard news about the world. I really believe that if you can go out there and greet the world with open arms and let it wash over you in all its bad and goodness, you’ll find that it’s better than you think it is. That’s really what gets you through.”

This was one of my first Huffington Post pieces.  Here’s the link: Abby Disney’s ‘Women, War & Peace’ Looks Past the Obvious.

3.  I’m planning a change for my site this year as my focus has moved from parenting into the big, wide world.  But I think I’ll always include writings about motherhood.  Here’s a post that has little stories about both of girls and hopefully captures their spirit.  40 Digits of Pi and A Feral Cat comes up often when people Google search feral cat walking in circles.  So I feel of service, though I’m not sure my post is all that helpful for diagnosing this strange behavior.  The little movie of Amalia at the end was shot by Scott.

4.  I am still building traffic to the site so feel free to share this with all of your nearest and dearest.  The closest I’ve gotten to viral was my interview with Anya Ayoung-Chee from Project Runway.  Aside from getting a good number of hits on this post, I was quite proud of the interview and having the opportunity to highlight Anya as a well-spoken, thoughtful young artist.  Here are links to the two parts of that interview: Project Runway Winner Anya Ayoung-Chee on Finding Her Voice & Profile: Anya Ayoung-Chee-Project Runway Finalist.

5.  And finally, my search continues in finding the elusive element of time for my poetry.  I’ve written about this challenge quite a bit.  With Boots, pancakes & poems I don’t find any answers, but connecting with Izzy was a good thing.

So there’s my top 5 list.  But while I’m being self-indulgent and reliving my glory.  Here’s one more post from the year.

6.  With How did I become HER?, I worked through some frustration, but neglected to  thank my mother.  She’s my constant sounding board and shoulder (even though the left one got caught up in a sling and surgery).  Thank you mom.  And Izzy and Amalia thank you even though they don’t know it yet.  I wouldn’t be the mother I am without your support and love.

Here’s to the New Year.  May it be a lucky one.

Twitt

An inflated sense of my own importance (and other things that make me unhappy)

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Mannequin, Camden Town

(notice that her tights aren't falling down)

I try really hard to make the people in my life happy.  This is most obvious with all the scheduling, running around and constant tugging at the plans for the day I do.  I think of this constant tugging like I’m wearing tights that keep falling down.  Today is one of those days when my tights have slipped clear on down around my ankles as I try to gracefully maneuver through a crowded party with drinks in both hands and a f*^$@**# smile plastered to my face.  In simpler terms, by trying so hard to make everyone happy, I’m making no one happy.  Along the way, I’ve started the cycle of yelling and then backpedaling. When my oldest daughter asked me what I wanted to do for New Year’s Eve, I couldn’t even answer her because I had no idea.

Of course, now it’s obvious.  I want to drink a very good dry champagne until my conversation is as sparkling and bubble-filled as said champagne.  I don’t know where I’d swill down the bubbly, but I don’t want to have to drive home.  I want to be driven and I want to wear red lipstick.

Instead, I’m planning, planning, planning.  I spent an hour or so on the internet trying to find an option that would make everyone happy.  Instead I feel guilty and resentful.  Everyone agreed that going to Vegas would be great.  (Izzy’s one condition was that she gets to bring her friend Taylor.)  Unfortunately, there’s no way we can go to Vegas.  (Sorry Taylor.)

Scott’s sick.  Amalia is wisely voicing no opinion at this point in time.  I would really like to help Kristina (our Russian foreign exchange student) celebrate New Year’s in a big, splashy way like she does at home.  We just don’t usually do that and all the swanky LA parties are 21+ or sweet deals for families with little kids.  Teenagers who don’t sneak out to drink just aren’t accounted for.  (Thank you Kristina for not sneaking and not drinking.)

So I took to my bed to pout, indulge in a little self-loathing and okay, I admit it–curse them all for expecting to get out and have fun on the holiday.  If they could just all want to do the same thing.  Or be passive enough that they really don’t care what we do.  What do you do when you feel overwhelmed like this?  Is it in the job description that I’m supposed to make everyone happy?  If so, how often? Am I supposed to make them all happy at the same time? In case you have any of the answers to these questions, just know that I’m patiently sitting here, gritting my teeth waiting to hear from you.

Twitt

“The voice of inner necessity” (Part 2)

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Photographer Tatiana Wills

The second part of my interview with Tatiana focused on her creative process and balancing that with motherhood.  One favorite thing that Tatiana said was this, “My process is never the same and always the same.  I go into a project understanding what I want to get out of it.  And not just the money.  It’s about values.  Do I like working with the people I’m working with?  Am I staying true to what I want to do?”

Tatiana is a photographer who does freelance work, develops her own creative projects and has a family.  I really wanted to hear how she makes it all happen.  For me and so many other artists that I know, motherhood and even housework end up taking precedence over the creative stuff.  How to balance that?

“I do get done what I need to get done, but there’s always conflict.  It never feels perfectly in balance.  And I don’t always do it well.  Half the time someone’s mad at me.  Where’s dinner?  I didn’t get the shopping done—again.  I’m late a lot.  That’s one of my favorite questions—Where’s dinner?  Because I really do love to cook.”

Tatiana was clear and eloquent in talking about her commitment to her family so I’m taking out my interjections for now.  She said, “Someone always needs something and that makes it hard to keep momentum and motivation but I’ve learned to adapt.  I’ve also set it up that way, to be needed by my family because that’s the kind of mother I want to be. I am also aware that this is a phase of my life and that time with my daughter before she goes off on her own is limited and precious.  It takes a lot of planning.  My daughter’s away this month so I know I have time to focus on me and my stuff.  I get frustrated sometimes, but I’m focused.  Sometimes I have to say, This is what I need right now.  Sorry.”

“I think it’s different for men.  Men get to go into their cave and take their time.  Women still have to ask for it.  But it’s changing and eventually people do get into a habit.  I am too available, but I’ve created that.  My husband and I share values and our paths cross because of it.  We also have screaming fights over who’s going to do what.  But that’s marriage [laughing] I am fortunate to have a wonderful partner in life who isn’t afraid to take up the slack or the reigns when necessary! We do for each other and that helps tremendously.  I feel guilty a lot.  I don’t call my mother enough.  I hear that I’m too busy, that I’m always busy.  And it’s true that I should call more.  I want to call more. But I have to be okay with the fact that I can’t do it all.”

“You hear about great architects and artists with a non-existent family life.  They’re only known really for their work.  I don’t want that.  I work very hard to have my family time be a really positive part of my life, of my work.  The work can dry up.  I’d be miserable if that happened, but it could happen.  You have to be true to what you value.  If you, personally, don’t value being a good wife and feel like it’s just something you have to do, then don’t do it.  It’s not the right reason.”

“I find that there aren’t a lot of people with a daughter my age who also have a professional life.  If someone makes the choice is to stay home and be a wife and mother, I hope that’s okay for them.  Portland is a great place to live and do work, but I don’t have a lot of female friends.  I have more male friends through working.  We have a constant joke that whoever I’m with, whoever’s on my left or right, people will assume that’s my husband.  People think that Roman and I are married or together or something.  That I can’t possibly just be out doing things on my own.  I almost want to do a project on that.”

“You had asked me in an email about doing things alone.  I’m not sure what’s next.  I try to make the projects relevant.  I always wanted to shoot dancers.  So I had the chance and I pretty much made that my job.  There’s a lot to be said for understanding how you’re perceived.  I’ve reached a point where I no longer worry so much about what my personal or professional work will mean to others. I realize it’s more important to do what compels and inspires me. I love the idea of using portraiture to explore more burgeoning scenes in the creative world because it suits me and speaks to what I love being around.”

“Right now my focus in on the dance world. There are quite a few interesting choreographers and performers in this area that have come from all over the world to work.  It is very exciting! I’ve been shooting choreographers and dancers for the past year and hope to continue it for much longer.”

“The work I choose to do these days has to be in line with what I’ve already accomplished.  I don’t want to spend time photographing things that aren’t meaningful to me, that compromises everything else I’ve worked really hard to have!  I could go out and get any old photo job.  I’ve done other things beside photography too.  But I don’t have a lot of time to think about it. I seem to just keep going. [laughing] Maybe I drink too much coffee?”

If that’s the case, then I want to buy this woman an espresso.  You can make mine a double. I want to thank Tatiana for sharing her thoughts and her time.  It’s inspiring to see friends finding success doing the things they love.  Finding the balance between parenting and creative work is something I hope to keep exploring at least until I get it all figured out or my girls grow up and leave home.

Click here to find out more about Heroes & Villains and Zero+ Publishing and to order your very own copy.

To find out more Tatiana & Roman, here a few links to interviews they’ve done                    LA Weekly and Fecal Face Dot Com.

And the link to Tatiana’s site (Check out her portfolios.  I love the shots of the dancers!).

Twitt